war – a writing so that i don’t forget the steps that led to it

wwi and wwii took surplus men and sent ’em to death and trauma; human blood sacrifice, anyone? bueller, bueller? to avert the coming stagflation and complications arising from the vaccine, why not start a new war?

spoiler alert: the english do not love the adopted slavic child of theirs!!!

My Greatest Hatred:
“NICE” people – and the spiritual home of nice people is the mid-west of the united States of america! [the path to hell is paved with good intentions!]

Me and Roman were in a huge fight – and he then pressured me into a phone call by calling me out – big man with big heart think he can smother me with fake love and fake compassion – the épitomé of a nice guy!
Roman was almost beaten to death by Jan [at the least in his own mind] – he learned to avoid confrontation by being overwhelmingly nice. Challenge him slightly, frustrate him with one’s own conviction, and the real hateful condescension comes out … the “PEACE-MAKER” with a gun in his hand! UN in yugoslavia, US in Ukraine – I AM DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!
So, I get him on screen in a video call – let me see you along with your words! Ha! The conversation starts, and it’s all niceties and sharing his plans with me – as if we weren’t in a fight! Or maybe we’ll talk about the weather for the first ten minutes, as if we were farmers whose livelihood depended on the interplay between weather and the growth of food crops!
JAH: Cut the shit, let’s get to it.

alphabet (google, youtube) censorship and walled off property at it’s finest! It is for the best, for your own good!
seriously, why on earth is this video censored?!?

Yup, that makes me the self-centered asshole!

I have been labeled by Roman, Maria, and Angie as all sorts of “mad” in need of therapy …

luke 6:42

the shame-based ad hominem attacks! Hardy-Har-Har! [instead of LOL, I will now use H-H-H! – since LOL always re-minded me of SOL! H-H-H! This has been brewing for months; ignore, avoid, withdraw … off to safe harbours [harbar] …

In Romans’ own words:
“So your relationship with your mother is anguished, unresolved, and torturing1 . Welcome to the club. I could tell you stories about what your Baba Anna did throughout our family history that would make Danuta sound like an enlightened angel. OK,  I’ll tell you one. When we lived in Poland Anna’s only goal in life was to reunite with her brother Osyp-at any cost2. He was the most important person in her life outside of her children. And at times we wondered if that was even true. But, my father had no interest in moving to America-none. So, at a loss as to how she could persuade Jan to move from a life Jan very much liked (he had status, friends, etc.) she and Osyp plotted out a plan. Anna paid off the local law enforcement officials to harass, arrest,  and beat up Jan for some fabricated reason. Anna played up the harassment and convinced Jan that the only way to escape it was to….move to America. Nice, huh?” – 17.05.20

I remember spending a winter re-treat at Maria’s condo; it was Maria, Donna, Roman, Marko, Angie, Marcus, and my-Self. Roman went to the bathroom. He, like the little snooping spy that he is, went through Maria’s drawers! He found birth control, and asked Maria about it. Maria responded that it was her friend Teri’s. Roman stated that she was pretty, and would like to be given an introduction to her by Maria …
i will now paraphrase Maria’s response:

No, she is a very good friend [best?], and I would not risk losing that friendship with a loser like you, Roman, Brother! Your track record with women speaks for itself!

Yikes, that was fairly on the nose, was it not? So what does Roman do?
Like the man that he is, Roman moved back to MI; where did he move? To be close with Marko and his burgeoning family? Nope; down the street from Maria, the next matriarch in line after the passing of Anna. Roman went looking for acceptance from Maria; the love and acceptance he never received from Anna!
– How did he attempt to win favour? By waiting for an opportunity to offer his skills (the act itself is commendable, the underlying reason/motivation is lamentable). So Maria wanted to renovate her condominium (which sadly, in all probability, still lacks a fireplace; although a roaring fire is the anti-thesis [kryptonite] to an ice-queen).

Roman builds Maria a nicer home. Showing worth, value. Then promptly sells his mobile home in Charlevoix and back to Montana he goes!

or is it?- it probably did help with Roman’s self-worth, but Maria’s view/treating of him …?

Roman, again: “All the best. Love is real and it’s what penetrates matter, space, and time better than any particle collider.”
– what a fucking tool.
Love is real – stipulated.
it penetrates matter, space, and time – stipulated
better than any particle collider – stipulated

Yet, put those phrases together, and what you get is Roman’s God – Science. Love does not penetrate – it invites. Penetration, in my mind, immediately goes sexual. My engorged dick in an “other”. That is not love; it can only be an act of love when there is an invitation – consent. matter, space, time – is not the aether a valid realm. what of the spiritual realm? H-H-H!

this book is my before and after marker in the story of my life …

The trivium consists of grammar, logic, and rhetoric. I self-identify as a grammarian, and very proudly. Wow, who thought the whole pro-noun thing could be a positive! H-H-H!
Anyways, grammar, above all else, is the WHY. [purpose]
Logic is rationality, reason, and logic to test to see if the WHY is accurate. Am I on target, or am I in sin (sin = archery term, to miss the mark). it is the HOW.
Rhetoric is the ability to communicate to others, to spread truth if it survives the first two steps.

Roman, along with most of the world, are Logicians; Reasonable, and Rational – their god is love via being “nice” (? – well, personally, what roman, marko, maria, and donna have shown me is that love means putting others before yourself – which, fair enough, isn’t debilitating yet; it is my responsibility to guess what will make them happy [and marko, at the least, is unwilling to even discuss anything; and to repress any thoughts and feelings I might have that could possibly upset another person. donna’s admonition is show up and shut up [a cardboard cut-out for her photo album]). Thomas Nash and I laugh at these mis-guided souls!- if it were not so sad. h-h-h ;(

What is a particle collider, in reality? Multiples of billions of dollars are spent on this “technology”; this modern marvel of Roman’s god, Science!-
huge circles are built below the surface of the earth; down to Hades’ realm we go! buckle- up! [because in this world, safety is more important than a life well lived with reasonable risks – see covid]
down there, the smallest atoms are spun around as fast as possible. Then, these atoms are smashed! [god, it’s like fucking children. Grow up! Marko and I used to build lego vehicles, and smash them against each other in the cold dark basement of 48311 chesterfield drive …]
what is the point of all of this? to search for the “god particle”. I mean, this would be hilarious if it weren’t so fucking pathetic. From whence does this technology derive from?

Onto rhetoric! How does Roman communicate his definition of “love” – through violence [penetration] and a ripping of the time-space continuum [there are valid spiritual questions like did the atomic bomb open up a portal to other realms? that is the david lynch thesis in twin peaks, the return, episode 8; some also claim that the rash of “alien” and “ufo” activity after-wards was causal]

be nice and accept everyone!

yikes, that is all i have the fortitude to write at this time.
– love is an invitation to share in the abundance of loving one’s Self, and loving God (the kingdom of Heaven is within) with others, if they are interested! – from a place of full acceptance and reverence!

bonus tracks:

roman science the world-at-large as portrayed by media



H-H-H! ;(
it is a hard road …

post script:
Roman, after the love misguided effort:

Ciao baby.
Love, Uncle Roman.

does this even need comment?- I’ll humour my-Self … addresses me as “baby”. then that word again …

but he sure as fuck titled himself with a capital letter; U[ncle]! why not go full hog,

  1. the relevant words in the first email I sent to Roman 15.05.20:

I’ve recently went through a bit of a tough spell. A large measure of that was quite an incendiary couple of emails I sent to Danuta. And a large part of our relationship has been, over the years, through the intermediacy of Danuta.

One of the things I’ve been struggling with is my relationship with Danuta.  Truthfully, I don’t really remember a time where it was in a decent state.  I’ve decided to take a hiatus on my relationship with Danuta for a whole host of reasons, culminating over the years.
So, I don’t know how much you know, but the last time we interacted, was a voicemail I overheard, and your text explaining how you wanted to protect Danuta.

2. Was incest at play?- it is not beyond reproach. I have a clear memory of sucking on Anna’s nipple/breast well past my nursing age … and it would certainly lend credence as to why Jan and Lydia (?) had an affair. Jan being Anna’s husband, and Lydia (?) being Osyp’s {Josef’s} wife. See Lloyd deMause’s work for how widespread incest and pedophilia was historically. Lest you think this is unfair, crude, hurtful: Donna made sure I knew at a very young age (7-12?), and did not forget, that Stephanya stuck her tongue in my mouth, fed me butter, and that Stephanya convinced me that she was going to die in order to see her more often (which led to me thinking Donna was also close to death because she always referred to herself as old [and fat, and ugly, etc.])

post post-script:
i found it interesting that Donna chose to live off War-ren Road, twice. Marko has also decided to call home in between both of our child-hood homes, right there off of Warren as well. What i find interesting is that both decided to live on warren, but not in Warren. Warren is where the ukrainians of metro detroit call home – so instead of growing up in Warren on the east side, we grew up out on Warren road. So much war, these ukrainians…

Also victim-hood; i remember in high school doing a report on the “holodomor” – the ukrainian equivalent of the “holocaust”. Inflate the death toll! feel pity for me and my people! cry-fucking-babies, the whole bit and parcel – how fucking pathetic!

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