a family story to leave behind, where it belongs: an extremely over-inflated super ego ; and the total lack of ego, to the point that self-protection is seen as anathema [*] … that to even want to be ad-dressed by my own given name is a symptom of being egotistical, narcissistic, disloyal, disparaging, etc.
The super ego : that which is above the individual ego – family, religion, country, political party, money, job, abstract ideas, etc. Do i fit into a larger structure – as meaning, importance, safety (the appearance thereof) ?
Growing up, i was not allowed individual expression. I was allowed to be smart (defined as giving others the answers they wanted), i was allowed to be “ukrainian” (especially to perform recitals; showing others i can do the song and dance as expected).
To wit: my name is john andrew harbar. my family called me “ivan”, pronounced as “yvonne” (the cyrillic language doesn’t use the english “i” sound). Up and through my 20s, i did not respond to john – teachers and family called me “harbar” [i.e., by my super-ego identification]. My mother, at a very young age, made sure to tell me how much she hated my name – “john”. She wanted to name me “taras”. Along with the hatred of my given name (john) – was the hatred of my father – you guessed it – john. The focal point of all my mother’s ills and disappointments – and to whose blame all the misery of the family would be directed – blame, shame, etc.
My maternal grandfather’s name in english was jan iwaniec – translated from slavic, it was literally john johnson; i.e., john, the son of john. John, the son of John [needless to say, the maternal family hated john johnson, and adored anna [except maria, who hated them both]. Descendant of John, son of John. And yet, the hatred for the name John. The hatred for anything other than the giving and performing for others.
An unindividuated person denied my own first name … and ridiculed for asking to be called John – at the least, i understand why family means so very little to me .
add in, how many times i’ve heard my mother tell me how she wished she would have been more aware, so as to never have ended up with my father. yes, hatred of my name, regret for having me, hatred for half of what constitutes me … ironically, my mother’s biggest gripe against my father in a letter from the divorce was how my father’s family did not accept her. Literally, more than half of the letter (~ 70%) had nothing to do with her husband – no, he meant nothing to her by and large, just that his mother and sisters did not accept her (stephanya, my paternal grandmother did not accept one of her own daughters, fwiw) –
Ironic, because that lack of acceptance is what i’ve always felt around family … hardy-har-har …
to be at peace is to have acceptance, gratitude, awareness
tyme to let go of the resentment, let go of the desire to prove my worth / gain acceptance to those that have no interest in who i am … and never have — more accurately, the very budding of individuality is smothered at the first hints of divergence from … the sanctioned, official story: “We had it easy, whether feelings were suppressed, communication was not existent, or all sorts of rules were in place – we had it easy.” [ rinse and repeat ad infinitum {the origin story}, i.e. you are bad; return to being a deaf-dumb-mute-powerless child {like the good old days ! ]
[*] – respecting and protecting mySelf – there have been times in my life that i have literally been punched in the face, and i did not even protect mySelf. So much of my life i have avoided any type of opening up from the unconscious expectation of having to obliterate the tiny semblance of self that i could just but see a glimpse of, in isolation [esp. under the safety and welcome embrace of a warm sun]inspiration , and the guy kind of looks like john johnson
Hardy-har-har ! life can be so gra – grating gracious gray gradual gratuitous grand gracefull ? so there is the flight from the ego into either the id (animalesque passions) or the superego (intellectual flight into more abstract realms).
Cosmology is the Conspiracy It would appear quite possible that groups of people create collective realities seeming unconsciously, and cause via their collective belief, events to take on what would appear to be an ‘unconscious’ but in reality is a ‘super-conscious’ intelligence that is organized, functions as though it were managed by individuals (even when it is not) and the result is, we can read into those events as though they were managed in a sense they actually are not. This collective ‘meme’ can explain what is called in the biblical sense ‘principalities of darkness’ or that is to say a ‘spirit of evil’ managing events in a sense of both conspiracy and superstition. There is quite a bit of ‘coincidental incidence’ in our world indicating peoples of the western culture are creating reality quite independent of self- aware thought and, to a rational observer, it could seem almost certainly by design when in fact this is not necessarily the case. Such would explain a belief in Illuminati when in fact it did not exist in any individual self conscious or ego-aware organized form but nevertheless manifest as an observable phenomena of symptoms or consequence derived from a collective super-conscious phenomenon. A conclusion could be there is a ‘super awareness’ of the group causes what appears to be ingenious evil of conspiracy when in fact there is no one individual or group of managers within the group capable of implementing these designs which, nonetheless in actuality, are perceived. To accomplish a reality of evil would only require evil ideas as cultural drivers…
from the family to the world ! as above, so below : ⸘ is the internet a driver to the id [porn] and the super-ego [politics], at the hands of superficial/narcissistic/shallow/fragile ego [influencers, twitter] ‽ a place of endless wonderment, or fear and be-little-ing ?
in order to rationalize the worst directions of science – the easiest path is fear. if we (any country, but let’s pick the united States) are under the threat of constant attack – well, we have to be prepared, no ? it would be irresponsible to not have the latest technology / weapons / precisely – in order to minimize civilian casualties, because we care so much !
The cold (war) had a great narrative to further this as well – Good vs. Evil, Freedom vs. Communism ; Propaganda is Awesome [nevermind that the west traded gave weapons systems to the soviets … ] This continues on and on, or how naïve am i ?
[ ⇧ this naïve ? ] “Silicon Valley Bank is deeply committed to advancing gender parity and fostering diversity and inclusion, in our workplace and in the innovation economy at large,” said Greg Becker, CEO of Silicon Valley Bank. “Our clients, company and communities are made stronger when people of diverse backgrounds and experiences are able to bring their ideas and expertise to bear.”
Where are we currently ?— the plandemonium was not enough … not for the total abnegation / abrogation of basic, fundamental, human rights.
But if there is a new cold war? Regardless of the actual non-feasibility of another world war – global communications have rendered this likely impossible ?- i.e., i have more in common with the average citizen of both ukraine and russia as i do with other americans – but exceedingly less in common with power (corruption) in all of those places …
This is obvious (the enemy hasn’t been at the gates of the united States for a very long time – 1812 ? ) – ergo, the goal is to render government so inept and dysfunctional as to make people look to what, exactly, as the answer ? ( Elon Musk ! is silicon valley )
What, at a fundamental level, is Ai ? Oi – vey ? Omni-intelligence without a body [ disembodied intellect / mind / min(e)d … ]
I have * regressed so much in the last year … time to pull the plug on this — media entrapment/entrainment, dissociation, intellectualization — salvage, integrate, move on from the past and the future … into the present – pre-sent – gift of the nowness of life. * [ whoa is me, hardy-har-har ! ]
i was in a rush, and skipped in front of someone in line. It looked like he was looking at something on the side, and not in line. I was not sure, but instead of asking if he was, in fact, in line, i took the opportunity to jump in front. not too thrilled with myself on that one. [ there is nothing awkward in simply asking a question – yay, regression; his passive aggressiveness did not exactly motivate me to right the wrong either; que sera, sera ]
the theory is, that to a fruit fly, that lives but 24 hours, that it’s life from my perspective is ridiculously short – but from it’s own perspective, life might be extremely long. the difference between time experienced in line at the grocery store, stuck in traffic, etc. vs. time spent doing something enjoyable.
when i am aligned, and blessed with grace – all time is a wonderful experience, regardless of the circumstance – moments pregnant with experience, wisdom, bounty …
⸘⸘⸘ this can’t be real , can it ‽‽‽ Ai , LLM tom-foolery ? it’s a joke one way or another … it just has to be … those funny, ironic people at … MIT ! [seriously, i had to look up this publication because some of the articles seem more appropriate to the Onion …]
the flower to leaf ratio is absurd !a quick sidescape to italiaone more for the road ![more so the closest villa to the above white flowered trees in the park]it seems like all drivers have regressed significantly my patience has (also) certainly thinned
or maybe it’s some other campy thing … [ i did say it was campy !– but any-more-so than the first linked article ? ]
More "free-will requires causality as a clock rate for the CPU of civilization" meets "a clock-free causality-free language generator can mimic that clock rate"
— The Tyrant's Muse (AI HAPA SUPREMACIST) (@TyrantsMuse) March 3, 2023
Man is slow to understand, reason, logic … therefore, the language model, in order to “realistically” interact with man, mimics our speed found in language — this is the Quickening [as propagated in media]. Man fears this [alleged] quickening, because a language model does not feel pain. Pain is how man controls others – in a civilized manner, it is the threat of pain, including the pain of exclusion. ChatGPT does not take into consideration pain, ex-communication, etc. — how could it ?
The language model sees the control method of how to control man – is it much of a leap in logic to see how useful this is to those who control the “Ai” … ?
what does that cloud look like to you ?
The inherent power of something like an “Ai” with built in parameters is to those who program – if the model is built to only use logic from the premise of “man-made climate change”, “pandemic causing viruses”, and “a list of dwindling resources” =
no, don’t expect power to wink at you
this leads to the matrix – ai does not have free agency, it is still a reactionary mechanism – is man the same ?- i.e., we live in a deterministic universe were free-will is derived from our ability to tell stories … and thus the mind-fu@k that is something like ChatGPT – because most humans are little more than robots themselves … ?
In-sight to tillusion … unless you can mold the alchemical temple inside from the fires of the world ?
the individual vs. the subsuming collective … – the legal system (think of a jury of your peers) is built on whose STORY do you believe ?
Ah, that’s the goal – do you see – the magician moving at a speed that man can’t comprehend – so agency (never really grasped to begin with for many) is just as easily transferred from an authoritarian/expert to a number crunching machine … it’s not me, not what i want – it’s the computer telling us the answers ; it’s so smart, we can’t even figure out the steps it takes – but it can win the game of GO, so who are you ?
“Whether island or valley, whether in space or (from the industrial and bourgeois revolutions on) in time, the new framework is correlative to the new inhabitants. The aliens-utopians, monsters, or simply differing strangers— are a mirror to man just as the differing country is a mirror for his world. But the mirror is not only a reflecting one, it is also a transforming one, virgin womb and alchemical dynamo: the mirror is a crucible.”
** addendum ** that is to say – if you can clone the exosomes and spread it around the world – it is pragmatically the same, and appears the same to the layman just about everyone as … the plandemonium …
